About a month ago, I gave our entire organization the right to “bitch.” Here is precisely what I posted on our internal communications program:

I was surprised and pleased by the response because within a very short time many of our employees mustered up the courage to respond! I have spent my career proving that leaders at the top can be as real and accessible as anyone – but despite town halls, face-to-face meetings, regular communication, and no physical walls around me, some teammates still find it difficult to voice their concerns or even call me Peter! Good morning Mr. Aceto, the odd few still say.

I have always said that one fantastic benefit of social media is that through it, you have access to peoples’ dinner table conversations – an access that reveals how your customers and prospective customers view your business. We are privy to consumer insights that generate great ideas and in turn improve our products and processes.

It is with that same spirit that I sent out my right to bitch message to the team. No matter how open our culture may be, the water cooler conversations still take place. No matter how hard we try, there are still things about our business that are bothersome and irritate our employees. Why would I want this to continue? Annoyance turns into frustration and the next thing you know, your employees are seriously unhappy and guess who feels it? Your customers! So why not address the issues? Why not get the irritants out of the way? And why not as leaders, provide the forum for people to vent?

I was reminded by this little exercise that straightforward and authentic communication is most effective. Good or bad, I like hearing it straight, and I believe we all naturally do. This is the type of communication that builds trust, forms communities and ultimately breaks down fear. Once the first handful of employees chimed in, more built the courage to share.  Other team members started helping each other with solutions, and senior executives became aware of issues not previously discussed before and committed to fixing them. Like a snowball building momentum, size and speed. A little push from me is all it took.

Action items were devised and accountabilities taken to remedy items identified – we even brought back hashbrowns for our Friday morning Big Breakfast in the cafeteria! Who knew they were that popular?

We may not have solved major business issues by having this bitch session, but with my support, employees know that it is safe to be heard, and that dialogue is encouraged and feedback is actionable. And my senior team is reminded of the power that resides in having real conversations, honesty and open debate.

Whether it is Pandora’s box or a big can of worms you’re opening, the point is the cans exist, the conversations take place and there’s always room for improvement. I strongly encourage leaders to take the initiative, be an active listener and provide safety for your employees’ honesty.

Sports is a common experience in many cultures. Like many around the world, my family and I tend to slow down to cheer Canada on during the Olympics, or as we recently did for the World Junior Hockey Championship. Sports has the ability to unite and affect communities. As much backlash as the NHL received during the lockout, we will undeniably get back on the wagon and cheer our teams on.

I had some success early in life when it came to team sports but nothing to write home about. I always loved the game of hockey but I was really a basketball player. It was in university that I began to play hockey and continue to play a fair amount with my family, friends and teammates at ING DIRECT. I also coach both of my sons’ hockey teams.

We have hundreds of employees who regularly participate in various sporting teams at ING DIRECT. It’s a wonderful opportunity to bring people together from across the business who share a common love, including me. There is no better investment of my time than when I truly connect with my colleagues. And it happens in various ways. But in particular, the weekly hockey game with the team documented through social media has certainly provided valuable insights and a lot of fun.

I find that these activities break down barriers and remove, for the most part, the preconceived notions of “the CEO.” With all the open communication I push for at the office, I am still met with the occasional “Mr. Aceto” or “Sir.” I have spent an entire career proving that I am just as real as the next guy/gal but in an office, even without physical walls around me, the barriers persist. But on the ice, or in a locker room, it is an entirely different story. I would say that of those courageous enough to join our team games, anything preconceived vanishes fairly quickly.

I believe what we learn in team sports has a direct impact on business performance. There is a fluidity on the ice or the court that may not always translate as well in the office. If someone tries something for the benefit of the team but finds themselves out of position a teammate quickly identifies this and helps out. They adjust. It’s beautiful to see when it happens, now imagine when it happens in the business context!

Sports provide a training ground to practice and cultivate leadership abilities – to play with integrity, teach and learn from teammates and create a culture that people want to be a part of. It is an opportunity to inspire others to a common goal, motivate others to perform beyond their limiting beliefs and fuel passion for something we believe in. To me this ought to be identical to a day at the office.

Coaching my sons’ hockey teams, much like playing team sports, has also brought a great deal of insight into my work. “A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are,” said Ara Parseghian. The same applies for business leaders. We have the responsibility of transforming those around us in life and in business by the actions we take.

I love sports, both because of its personal benefits and its amazing applicability to business performance. The lessons learned and fun we have when on the ice together have certainly made ING DIRECT a better place to work, better for our customers and has a lot to do with our success!

Think about personal relationships between family and friends. How do you think they grow & flourish? I hope you said trust! Because that is precisely where engagement begins. Relationships strengthen when we learn to trust each other.

The same applies in business. A leader’s success strongly depends on his or her ability to earn and maintain the trust of employees.

So how do you build trust? You invest time in your team. You show who you really are. You get out of your office!

I spend, what some may consider, an inordinate amount of time personally connecting with team members. I believe in the concept of ROR (Return On Relationships). Enabling dialogue, being open and real are what I’ve learned make the most difference in engagement.

The benefits of this concept are evident in social media and through our internal communications channels, but what I want to stress here is the value of old-fashioned in-person interactions. You know, when you step out from behind your desk, you go see for yourself, and interact with the people who work with you.

Business strategy is one thing. But at the end of the day it is people who drive business forward – human beings who each have their own personal “why” for how they give their effort and energy on a daily basis. And they want to be acknowledged, heard, and valued. It’s important for leaders to do that, and to genuinely care. It is that inclusiveness that forms trust and generates immeasurable commitment towards the collective “why” of a business.

Leaders, CEOs, Presidents, we are not typically known to share lunches in the office cafeteria, sit in with call centre associates, or play weekly hockey games with the team. The general expectation is that we are far removed in our corner offices and not easily accessible – It’s time to shift from a distant leadership to a more personal and engaged leadership.

I can tell you from personal experience that the more genuine interest that leaders show their teams, the stronger the culture becomes. The impact is powerful and difficult to quantify.

When you let your guard down, understand what makes individuals tick, ask about their families, truly care about their wellbeing – that is what makes leaders relatable, leaves great impressions and builds great team environments. The kind of environments that foster trust and personal connections and allow for discussion, debate and even arguments at times. And the environments where leaders and their teams feel comfortable to show emotion, and reveal who they truly are.

I had a mentor who once said to me “you can’t be a leader if you’re not fallible. You need to be authentic. No one will follow you if you’re too perfect.”

Connecting with people at all levels of the business in person, is fundamental. There’s plenty of strength in being real. It’s a powerful tool. And it starts at the top. I urge leaders – leave your desks and get to know your teams. And if you have a chance to show your personality, do it.

Engagement is an automatic result. Once the momentum is at your back it is unstoppable!

It’s naïve to think that we can be 100 percent transparent. Even personally, we struggle at times to protect certain areas of our lives. Imagine a business. Then imagine a Financial Services business, with regulators, shareholders, and an acquisition underway.

So how should business leaders strike the balance?

We live in a social business era. Expectations are that we operate transparent business models. And I certainly support those expectations.

I’ve seen first hand how the financial services industry has changed. When ING DIRECT introduced direct online banking to Canadians, it was a radical idea. Trusting a bank without physical branches with something as important as your hard earned money was far-reaching.

Fast forward 16 years, direct banking is the new normal. But even more exciting is that Canadians are opening up about their finances like never before. Years ago, people would rather discuss sex and drugs with their kids and friends instead of talk about money and how to manage it. Today however, there are thousands of blogs being written and shared about people’s personal finances. How they manage debt, try to save, drive fees away from their lives and invest for their futures… How they have learned, the mistakes they made and how they were overcome. It really is an amazing and important development.

There’s something liberating about sharing your struggles. As soon as you do, you realize you are not alone. You become part of a community. Clearly this is not new. But it is amplified in the technology driven social era we live in. An era where leaders need to prove the obvious – that they are human beings.

For the financial industry, this is especially important. Jargon, complexity, ivory towers and mahogany desks are expected, right? Not so much. Not anymore. The pressure is on for disclosure and openness and for sharing the wealth with customers and community.

This is on my mind often: do our employees know who I am as a person? Customers, followers, subscribers, listeners – are they getting to know the real me? How I lead ING DIRECT? What I believe in? What makes me happy, unhappy, frustrated, elated? Do they have a good perspective of my personality by what I share?

I am socially inclined which has helped me be referred to as the “social CEO”. Sharing stories, talking “normal stuff” and connecting with people all come naturally. So using social media was a no brainer for me and our organization. Of  course there are many examples of very successful leaders who are quiet, reserved, even introverted. Those who are more comfortable one on one as opposed to a larger group.

Which begs the question: is social media for everyone? Maybe not. But I believe that the success of future leaders and their businesses may depend on their willingness to reveal who they are, who they really are, with authenticity and sincerity. Being open, sharing more about ourselves, showing a relatable side are all extremely valuable and can be real competitive advantages.

Of course leaders have insights into confidential information that require a level of discretion and at times even legal and compliance issues curtail a leader’s ability to share. I recently found myself pondering this very dilemma when ING Group began the process of selling ING DIRECT Canada. Full disclosure was simply not allowable. But for me, it was important to share what I possibly could as soon as I was able.

I like what Simon Sinek recently shared at the Art of Management conference in Toronto: “It is better to disappoint people with the truth, than appease them with a lie.” With this you have a chance of building trust that will serve the entire team well.

Leaders want to be seen as confident, strong and smart. We think that this is what people want from us. However, at times we feel confused, sad, frustrated and even doubtful. Hey, leaders are human too!

So what happens then? Instead of trying to put your best face forward, I’d consider putting your real face forward. Redefine vulnerability as strength. Be thoughtful how you do it and you may appreciate how those around you grow to feel about you as a leader.